Most of the time, I love being a student. I love the vibe of being one. I love the fact that we’re all exploring life together. I love going to uni, and I love making friends. But there are certain times where I just want to vomit all over Student Culture. And one particular article published today in our student newspaper at Cardiff University ‘Gair Rhydd’ evoked the latter feeling within me today.
Promiscuity doesn’t need to be a dirty word. Oh, really now? That’s what Sally Taylor says, writer for the opinion section of the Gair Rhydd newspaper. Have a read of this snippet from the article:
Allow me to consider something I overheard a few weeks ago: “I’ve got with ten guys since I got here,” a fresher told her friend. “That doesn’t make me a slut though, does it?” Many probably would consider this ‘slutty’, and the girl was clearly distressed at the prospect. I remember thinking that even for Freshers’ Week that was pretty impressive. Considering it was only week two, that’s nearly one a night. But, I also think: so what? It’s her life. If she wants to do it, let her do it. Live and let live.
Just because something doesn’t work for you, doesn’t mean you can judge others for doing it. You might not like some’s fashion sense, music taste, or tendency to eat cereal instead of cooking dinner (OK that one’s me). Promiscuity, or lack thereof, is simply another lifestyle choice, something up to you as an individual.
Oh right. So this girl was imagining the ten guys she ‘got’ with? Because it is an individual lifestyle choice, of course. And it’s only like choosing whether to have cereal or dinner, isn’t it? And sleeping with multiple partners is only like preferring indie music over pop music, isn’t it? And it’s just like wearing jeans over joggers isn’t it?
What a load of rubbish. In fact, it’s comments like these which show just how much of a state our society is in. Furthermore, it shows the sheer height of individualism, the ‘I’m going to do whatever I want and no one is going to stop me’ attitude that is eroding any sort of decency in our world that was previously there.
Don’t people understand that sex isn’t something that’s a ‘personal lifestyle choice’. Sex isn’t personal! It’s relational, and actually going about sex just as if it’s a choice between your Frosties or toast is a complete disaster for individuals, and for society as a whole.
You only have to look on government statistic websites to see that abortion rate has been increasing (though with a slight drop this year), that the UK still has the highest abortion rate in Europe, that STIs are increasing in number, that marriages are breaking down due to promiscuity and that people are receiving more counselling for sexually related depression. And yet, promiscuity doesn’t need to be a dirty word?
I could think of millions of scenarios that end up in the same predicament: disappointment, lack of self worth and value, and a vicious circle of sexual promiscuity that doesn’t do anyone any good at all.
When a man or woman experiences sex without commitment, he/she soon learns that sex means little to nothing. Why? Because nothing happens as a result: no meaningful relationship ensues. He/She has inaccurately learned that sex and commitment are two completely separate issues, which they are not.
I might not be the most popular person for writing this post, but people need to take on responsibility for themselves. And they need to grow up. I’ve had an endless amount of talks with both boys and girls who have been damaged by sleeping around, a series of disappointments where potential relationships turned out to be one night stands. Confusions over whether those few minutes of fun turned out to be rape or not; women who feel abused and neglected by the boy they decided to be a ‘sexual partner’ with.
How can you say ‘live and let live’ when people are so miserable?
And, another thing: these people tend to not seek help or advice or counselling because they think that everyone is promoting promiscuity and preaching that it’s fine and OK! If it really is OK, then why did the aforementioned girl in the article ask her friend whether what she had done was bad or not? And if it’s all fine, why do people still call girls sluts? Why are people so appalled at lads who are players?
Let’s not get all postmodern over this issue. If someone wants to sleep around and brag about it, then fine. But make sure you tell everyone about your herpes, genital warts or whatever else you have too. I know this is obvious, but your actions always lead to consequences, and you have to face up to them!
Sex isn’t an individual lifestyle choice, it’s an important part of a loving relationship, which I as a Christian know to be very precious. It shouldn’t be thrown around and cheapened like it is, especially in university culture.
Unfortunately, some people will not learn until they are left feeling totally violated and alone. And it’s up to us who value sex to make sure that those people are cared for and shown a better way. Sexual promiscuity will only end you up in a bad situation. People need to be shown what true love is, and I can’t believe that individuals who are in the same situations as I’ve described have been sold one of the most damaging lies that society tells people; that sleeping around is OK and that no one should judge or teach otherwise.
So to Sally Taylor and any who think that sleeping around is fine, think again. Why don’t you do a bit of research into the physiological, emotional and mental conditions sleeping around leaves people in, whether consciously or subconsciously there. I don’t really have much hope for society on this issue. People will continue to abuse their own bodies for a few minutes of fun, but the result will inevitably be the same in all cases unless those people learn that sex is something which should be preciously dealt with between two committed adults who love each other.
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