What are women asking when they ask trapping questions?

I’m reading a lot of books at the moment, and one that I have on the go is a book about relationships. It’s specifically aimed at husbands and wives and was given to me by my Father in Law for Christmas just gone, probably in preparation for married life. Anyone who knows me know that I’m not a lovey-dovey person. I don’t like PDAs and I’m always cautious of being sickeningly romantic- especially in front of others, and especially especially especially if they’re single. I mean, soppy romance is just the British definition of awkward, is it not?

That is not to say that I don’t show my love for my wife. I married her, didn’t I?! But I do try to show my love for her in other ways as well. I understand that words are important, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that I do everything I can or say everything that I could say at all times. One question that the book raises is how to answer awkward questions put to you by your spouse, such as “Do I look fat in this?”

Megan has never asked me that sort of question, but we have had serious conversations about things that I “should have said” in a particular situation! (I hope she doesn’t mind me sharing that on here!). But from starting to read about relationships, and from starting in my young, married life, I have noticed a few things;

  1.  Part of a woman’s nature is to reveal true beauty to the rest of creation – and more specifically, a man. Maybe beauty isn’t the correct word here. Maybe it should be loveliness. Please don’t think I’m being sexist. I’m not talking about beauty in just the physical sense, but in the emotional, and spiritual sense. God created women to be beautiful and lovely in every sense of the word, and they are!
  2. Part of a man’s purpose in life is to reaffirm the beauty and loveliness that has been genetically wired into a woman. I’m not talking about patronisation or demeaning women. I’m talking about honouring them above ourselves – “as Christ loved the Church”. This means not ostracising them, confining them to the kitchen, or underestimating their place in society and especially within the Church.
  3. This is something we (I) don’t do enough. I think that sometimes (women, I’m no expert so please don’t bite my head off!) when woman ask things like “Does my bum look big in this dress?”, they already know the answer to the question, and they’re looking for something more deep and meaningful than a “yes”, “no” or a skirt around the issue. They’re looking to be reaffirmed as a person made in the image of God with beauty that goes beyond all things physical (though not excluding it) and into the spiritual and characteristic side. And theres nothing undermining or wrong in that. We should be honouring women more. I should be honouring my wife more.
  4. It’s important, as a man, to be vulnerable in a relationship. I think women, or more specifically wives, want to see a man who is open to sharing and conversation, despite the fact that we see it as a boring, needless process.

I have a lot to learn, but I think I’m starting to… very slowly.

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Dean Roberts

Dean is a Minister in the Anglican Church. Currently he is Curate in the parishes of Bedwas, Machen, Michaelston-y-Fedw and Rudry in South Wales. He was born and bred in Wales, is married to Megan, and has two dogs called Taliesin and Melyn, and two cats named Sinsir and Hâf. He graduated from Cardiff University with a BA Hons. in Theology & Religious Studies, and has studied for an MA in Theology, Ministry & Mission at Trinity College Bristol. He also holds a Cert.RSCM from the Royal School of Church Music. He loves playing music, walking, reading, blogging and horse riding as well as going to the cinema and theatre. Read More @ http://deanroberts.net/about